"What If?": Is The Grass Really Greener?

When “What If?” Becomes a Mental Trap

What if I had chosen a different job? What if I lived in another country? What if I had bought shares of Apple in 1980 or Amazon in 1997? Our lives are filled with “what ifs.” Even Marvel explored this concept in its animated series, “What If?”, imagining alternate outcomes if different heroes made different choices and played different roles. The idea fascinates us because, deep down, we all wonder: Did I make the right decisions? Could my life have turned out better? But, while it's natural to reflect, “What if?” can also become a trap. If we dwell too long on the past, we risk falling into regret and mental paralysis, wishing for realities that can no longer be changed.

When It’s Healthy to Ask, “What If?”

Nevertheless, there are moments that arise in life that do genuinely call for us to ask, “What if?” It is not only natural, but also necessary. Sometimes we face decisions that require us to explore alternative paths, especially when current circumstances are unsustainable or unbearable. At these crossroads, “What if?” transforms into a tool, not a trap. It helps us examine whether change is possible and worth pursuing. These are the contextual, nuanced aspects of considering “What if?”, when it leads to action and not regret. It is an exercise in reflecting on one’s perspective and considering how we might reshape the present, rather than ruminating over the past that we cannot change.

So, in the end, it is about differentiating wishful thinking from realistic possibilities. Proceeding with intentionality and consideration in the present makes “What if?” something useful. If we only focus on things we cannot change from the past, we are just fueling wishful thinking and regret. However, learning from the past helps us inform our present and future decisions, so we do not have to dwell on “What if?” This shift in mindset, from passive regret to active inquiry, empowers us to make thoughtful decisions that are grounded in the present and shaped by experience.

Using the Past to Shape the Present

Take the question, for example: “What if I lived in a different country?” It is easy to imagine missed opportunities or to idealize a life that might have been. But, asking the question more thoughtfully might help one realize how much they gained by the opportunities they had and the meaningful connections they built in the country they now call home. Not all wishful thinking has a fairytale ending. It reminds me of the quote by Abraham Lincoln:

“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

Understanding oneself and reflecting on past experiences and decisions helps us explore what is possible today. Wishing for changes to the past is not the purpose of “What if?” It is about using the past that cannot be changed to help us forge the best possible path forward…starting now.

What advice would you give someone stuck in a “what if?” loop?